Strategic consultant & writer by trade.
Apprentice to sorrow by accident.
Conscious dreaming and grief guide (on purpose).
A born and raised woman from Cameroon turned faux New Yorker by way of L.A. I am passionate about poetry, paradox, and the questions “Why must we suffer?”
Since the death of my mother, my life is dedicated to answering these questions and finding ways to approach the pain that comes from being human with tenderness, with softness so as to relate to it rather than approach it with terror.
My work as guide through grief is a collision of eight years as a digital transformation consultant, breathe intelligence, spiritual healing & constellations, and getting to know pain in my life through death and heartbreak.
M.A in Psychology, Spirituality & Mind-Body Practice, Columbia University.
Shamanic Breathwork facilitator (400 hours)
Dream Yogi ( Western Psychology/Jungian Dream Analysis & Tibetan Yogas of Dreams - 7 years)
Advanced Spiritual Healing & Healing Constellations (180 Hours)
Spiritual Healer, Columbia University Healing Research Study: The Role of Mental Imagery Within the Practice of Spiritual Healing (1 year)
Spiritual Healing Constellations: Family, Incarnational, Organizational, Spiritual (400 hours; 18-month training)
Grief guide through conscious dreaming
Digital Transformation Consultant ( 8 years )
Dream yogi most nights, a poet early morning and a healer most of the day. A salsa dancer, marathon runner and ambidextrous.
My Grief Story
In the Beginning…
It is fear that brought me to this path. From a very young age, I have had a very strong aversion to pain of any form – physical, emotional, mental - and so I tended to live life very superficially blocking out all possible triggers. I remember as a child, driving myself crazy with all types of fantasies about how my mom had died just because she was five minutes late from work.
At the ripe old age of 13, I made the decision that my first boyfriend was going to be my husband because I would not survive the pain of a breakup.
From that perspective, it makes sense that my biggest fears became my reality close on the heels of each other.
Death & Heartbreak
In February 2018, I had what at the time felt like the biggest heartbreak of my life. This one was mysterious with penetrating eyes and a mouth like sin. What can I say? I am a sucker for hugs, and he knew my soft spot and went in for the kill.
In June of the same year, my biggest nightmare became a reality.
My mother died.
My best friend in this world was no longer part of it.
I was shattered and entered into the deepest pits of despair. A dark abyss that felt endless.
There is no word in human language that can adequately describe the specific species of the anguish of losing a loved one. A loss that is catastrophic to the spirit.
I felt as if nobody else could possibly know or understand the (degree of) pain and torment I was experiencing - and for the most part, I was right. I felt so lonely even though at times there were people around me. I was in my own special hell – what I now call the underworld of grief.
Imagine being trapped in a body pumping cortisol and stiff with tension. Watching someone you love die does something to your brain. It alters your perspective forever. Unless you’ve personally experienced it, there’s really no conveying exactly what it feels like.
After going through a period of heavy grieving, the puzzle pieces started to fall in place and the picture started to develop and form from the negatives...
I learned how to sublimate my pain to poetry and art and my words became leeches bleeding the pain out of my system.
It became clear to me that life was cyclical and there would always be events that would bring you to your knees. Times of crisis, stagnation, terror and loss where we change and later enter them again. There is no ceasing of these patterns, but that with an open heart, the unshakeable power of love would always stand you back up. And so I started learning techniques from masters like Stephen Levine, Ram Dass and Francis Weller that would help you move through these dark intervals with precision and grace..
In addition to training breathwork and with world renown spiritual healer Ron Young at Columbia University.
Putting it All Together – Why let me hold your hand through this dark night?
I am no stranger to pain and loss and I have been constantly visited by her through numerous heartbreaks, loss of identity, addictions and death. I’ve learnt first-hand what it feels like to embrace fear, death and uncertainty. I have practiced stepping into – and out of this bizarre alternate reality.
As a result, I have emerged with night vision, muscle memory if you will, and developed a profound and reverent relationship with these periods of disruption. I have found a path through. From profound pain to profound purpose and ultimately a humility, compassion, trust and surrender.
Surrender to life’s deeper play.
I developed a deep trust in the creative intelligence and the movement of grace to us during these periods of soul crushing despair.
In the time that has passed, I have embraced my new role as a guide through the alternate reality of grief, shining a light through the impenetrable darkness of this underworld to help show others the way. Through helping others, I have found a profound sense of purpose that has given the senselessness of what we have endured at least some measure of meaning.
The loss of a loved one changes you in ways that are permanent, ways that are sometimes unrecognizable to your own self. It could make some discover the hitherto unrevealed meaning of life while for some it could mean an end of all meaning for the rest of the days they live.
It would my deepest honor to support you, to help you navigate the labyrinth patterns of grief and ensure that you come out on the other side with a deeper connection to your deceased loved one, your life and your purpose.
I’m so glad you’re here,